All Souls Day musings on mortality

All Soul's Day

Like most, I’ve lived with many fears. Death is not one of them. It is inevitable. Of course, any death of a loved one is hard to go through sometimes even impossible and surely sudden unexpected deaths are even harder to accept. But it’s a part of life that each soul will journey through.

I was born a Catholic and exposed to its beliefs. But as I grew older I found that some of those beliefs just don’t make sense to me. Eventually, I became more comfortable with my own relationship with God and keeping faith in my own beliefs. Because, honestly, just believing in a greater power bigger than myself helps me keep my sanity.

So, death is something I’ve accepted in life and therefore felt I was prepared for the pain that comes with it. But only to realize that my heart has yet to feel the impact of a loved one dying.

My one and only brother recently passed away after struggling with diabetes for over 20 years. He was only 47. Receiving dialysis for the last seven years had deteriorated his body and weakened his heart even quicker. In and out of the hospital at least once a week was unbearable for him and only made him more miserable.

He started expressing that he just wanted to go already. I understood why he felt that way and because I accepted death was a part of life, I thought it was selfish asking him to keep fighting. Only because he was the one suffering and in pain.